Here in the beautiful flatlands we are disadvantaged in only one regard. Only one local food emporium will deliver. So every now and again it’s a 30 minute round trip to North Street, Nearby Town. We were excited when the Nearby Town offy was replaced by a Domino’s Pizza but our hopes of fatty dough were dashed when we found we were outside the delivery zone.

So imagine our excitement to get home last night to find a flyer from a new branch of Domino’s, in Another Town. In 128 pt capitals, the text screamed DELIVERING TILL 3AM 7 DAYS A WEEK. And a total of 14 offers of various kinds. Get in. We were straight on the phone.

And that’s where the Domino Dream really fell apart. For the residents of this part of the flatlands, Domino’s in Another Town deliver NEVER, 0 DAYS A WEEK. But we had a flyer from you, I burbled helplessly. It transpired that we were not the only unfortunates. The phone had been ringing off the hook from people who felt that they had come in from the cold, to a sophisticated world of shiny pepperoni and potato wedges. ‘We didn’t know the flyers had been sent out,’ said the telephone reprsentative of the unfortunate franchisee. The really unfortunate franchisee, that is, who isn’t going to get our business, despite paying to market to us a service we can’t use.

Go on to Domino’s website and you’ll read about the marketing support given to franchisees, paid for, of course, by ‘franchisee contributions’. ‘We have a lot of fun with our brand marketing,’ says the website, further offering ‘flawless execution…and marketing’.

It’s bad enough when you destroy your own brand, but when you’re paying to use a brand and then they destroy it right in front of you? It makes Domi No Sense.